Relationship Release – Article 4
Relationships……where to even start with this one! You can’t live with them and you certainly can’t live without them. Really, this applies to more than just love relationships, friends, family it’s all in there. Having healthy, happy relationships is really all anyone wants because at the end of the day its human nature to love and be loved isn’t it?
There are a whole lot of factors that come into play depending on what type of relationship we are talking about so let’s start with friends first, honestly these types of relations are actually the easiest and most effective bonds to form in my opinion. Yes, I know that some friends can be very difficult but lets face it, we ourselves aren’t always a joy ride either. Human emotions are complex. Friendship energies are typically compatible on a few different levels and the more intricate levels are not really necessary. As long as this person is trustworthy and loyal, at the end of the day that’s all that really matters. Why? Well, what are friends for?
- Companionship
- Reliability
- Support
- Entertainment
I am sure there are a few more characteristics that can be added to that list but those are the basic fundamentals. When friendships become a bit challenging it’s usually pretty easy to understand why, maybe it’s just a bad day or they (or you) aren’t feeling well. Either way, you go home, they go home and that’s sort of where it ends. You sleep on it and most times you are ready to pick up where you left off after a couple days apart. Although I’m not naive and do know that some friendships are in fact more complicated than this, the majority rules on this one
Next we move on to family (we’ll save the best for last), now this form of relationship can prove to be a bit more complex. Primarily this is due to obligation, we are always taught…..they are family you have to accept them and allow them in your life. Yes, embrace your family of course as they are in fact so very important. But on the flip side, you don’t get to choose what family you are born into. Who’s to say that if you had a choice that you would pick that exact family? Something just to provoke some thought ;). I have already opened up about my complex family dynamic and I know that I am not the only one that grew up under similar circumstances so I am not going to go into great detail. What I can say is that I do have a couple of family members that I personally have had to distance from. I love them dearly but at the end of the day it was what was best for my son at the time. You see, sometimes it is not yourself that is being affected so always be conscious of others as well, especially when you are a parent. On the positive side your family can and should give the following:
- Kindness
- Honesty
- Trust
- Reliability
- Love
- Compassion
- Tough love (when needed)
- Support
Again, I am sure there are many more that should be on this list but those are the basic traits needed to make up a good balance. One issue I have had to deal with within my family that was a tough one was emotional manipulation. DO NOT allow this to happen, stop it as soon as you recognise it! This type of behaviour seems to be almost hereditary and boys that is poisonous. Let’s be clear when I talk about family I am not just referring to immediate family, in-laws and distant family are included in this category. At the end of the day stand strong in what you feel you are willing to tolerate and don’t allow anything less. Especially moving forward if you are trying to rebuild yourself.
So this brings us to the most powerful and the most weakening relationship of all, LOVE. Love brings about the most intense feelings, feelings of being alive or alternatively feelings of death. Its the essence of humanity no matter your beliefs. Everyone no matter who you are at some point will want and need some form of companionship. Oh those feelings, you know the first falling ones… the butterflies, the excitement, the energy and the SEX! OMG the connection you feel when your relationship is fresh. Like the two of you are literally one body….
Even though I have been through my share of relationships and heartbreak, these are feelings and emotions that I most definitely want to experience again. The difference this time is that I am whole and happy, I love the person I have become so anyone coming into my life will either also love ALL of me and accept ALL of me or nothing. There will be no more compromise and just let me clarify, I understand there has to be a basic compromise in a relationship but for things like where to vacation or what type of dog or house to buy. My essence and self worth is NO LONGER or sale. You buy all of me or move onto the next house…you picking up what I’m putting down?! For YEARS I spent my time in a relationship where I always had to question if what I was doing was acceptable or worry about what he would think about decisions I made, right down to the clothes I bought or the music I would listen to. Or the big one, my emotions! Im am an emotional human being, I feel deeply but I always give love and feelings deeply. NEVER EVER let anyone tell you to stop overreacting or stop being so sensitive. Those are good qualities and make for an amazing, empathetic and caring person. Now there are levels of what emotions you can relay without going to the extreme obviously. Is there such a thing as overreacting? But really, it’s just reacting that is the problem. Start practising responding rather than reacting…..GAME CHANGER! Take a minute, learn to really listen and take in what is happening and being said. Try to see the bigger picture and evaluate any outside factors…..then you will be a much better communicator. Even if it’s anger you want to react with, you can do that but with much more intelligence and in a way more approachable manner. This will open up the avenue of an actual two-way conversation much more likely to come to common consensus. I am aware I am no relationship expert but I also know that some people just can’t be reasoned with so you have to change the way YOU handle things in order to get a healthier outcome.
Normally this is where I would share a memory with you and trust me, I have plenty but I am not going to this time. I am simply going to give you with the tools I have developed from having experienced MANY unhealthy and damaging encounters. Episodes that left me feeling absolutely worthless and nothing should make you feel that way. You can’t change others but you can change YOU. At the end of the day that is the answer…..learn through living and grow through the pain. A very wise and very important person in my life said to me once, “you can’t have flowers without the rain”. Isn’t that the truth!
So, relationship release. The topic of this post and what I am trying to say is that no matter the relationship there should always be clear boundaries in what you allow and accept. You must become whole and know your worth to move to this level of growth. You can not decide what is acceptable if you yourself are not mentally healthy and intact. Building your self-esteem and confidence isn’t an easy task especially if you have dealt with emotional or verbal abuse. If you aren’t sure if that is what is happening to you, please do your research and reach out to someone because these forms of abuse are just as detrimental as physical abuse. I won’t give details but I will say that in my lifetime I have experienced all 3 forms of abuse which is what took me so long to start my healing journey… I had A LOT of shit to work through (I still work at it everyday) but you MUST. There is so much happiness out there for you and it’s time to grab life by the “horns” and find that joy. I realise that sometimes this is easier said than done but just take little tiny baby steps every day. Start with a morning affirmation session or the practice of forcing a smile, you’d be surprised how effective that can be!
If you are going through anything of these situations or any of this sounds familiar and you just want someone impartial to vet to, I am here….I’m a great listener <3 Feel free to shoot me an email [email protected].
In closing, what I am saying in a nutshell is build yourself up to tear down the walls of confinement … .so you can develop a proper relationship release!
Next post is scheduled for the 20th and I am on vacation so I will be posting at 10 am instead of 9 pm because I will be BUSY that evening 😉
Until Tuesday, Be Happy, Be Kind and most importantly love yourself!
