You ever just sit back because you can’t keep up and say, what in the flying fuck is going on?! Yeah? Me too! Everything is always moving so very fast and in my personal experience even more so when you start finally aligning with who you really are and where you’re destined to be in life. That’s the stage I am at right now so I decided to talk about PERSONAL ELEVATION, given my own personal recent experiences. There’s a few tidbits of information that I think can be helpful to you that I wish I had known ahead of time rather than through trial and error. However I am thankful for the learning experience because now I am able to share those experiences with you!
Once you begin a personal transformation journey, there’s a soft, gentle space in your life when you’re starting to finally feel good, truly happy and believing there is good in the world again. Things are just naturally starting to fall into place and you feel like you can breathe deep and take it all in. What a beautiful feeling that is! It is almost a euphoria, an obsession but a healthy one with good and joyous feelings. After you’ve begun the journey to your “happy place” and you’re right on the cusp of elevation…..there ARE going to be challenges so I just want to warn you! They happen usually at the most inopportune times too…..you think to yourself, “how is this even happening? Everything is so perfect and falling into place the way it should be!” But no, this is the Universe’s way of pointing you in a new direction. You see, your desires never change but the avenue and the vehicles involved remain fluid and are ever evolving in order for the perfect collision of you meeting your destiny occurs . I say this so you don’t get side tracked because it’s so easy to fall back in that rabbit hole, thinking nothing is working. I am here to testify…..The meditation IS working, the positive thoughts ARE working, the affirmations ARE making a difference. What’s changing is your strength and the intangibles of your coping skills, how you handle these little (or sometimes life altering) challenges. That’s where those big changes are becoming most effective and that my dear friends is SUCCESS! When you are trying to rebuild yourself these “tests” can sometimes feel very overwhelming. Sort of like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. It’s easy for any little obstacle to knock them down…..but you are now that determined toddler who without question, gets back up and tries again! These tests are a necessary evil the Universe will throw at you to ensure you are ready for the onslaught of amazing magic that is about to enter your life. The Universe wants to make sure you are going to remain a good and positive person, making good change in the world and helping those that can’t always help themselves.
My last blog I talked about my “trip from hell, that was heaven sent”…so to speak. Well, what you didn’t know is prior to that and during that time I was faced with some very specific emotional growth “tests” myself. During those challenging moments it felt like it turned my whole world completely upside down. There were certain individuals in my life at the time that I believed were “meant to be there” but what I learned was that these certain individuals were meant to be there but for reasons I had not comprehended yet. This brings me back around to saying just how important staying in tune with your inner self and meditation is. Always listen very closely. From these particular individuals and tests, I increased my sense of inner direction, my inner sixth sense and my gut instincts. Sixth sense and gut instincts are ideally the same but in my opinion they both still serve very specific purposes.
The Test: Inner Direction
This was an entourage of small little events in my life that I felt were intertwined and meant to lead me down a specific path. Although the journey was somewhat on point the end result was something completely different. I had such a strong mental picture painted of what it was all supposed to look like that it threw me for a very big loop. This caused much inner reflection to take place and what I discovered was that expectations are PURE EVIL. They can deflect everything in your life to opposite ends of the pendulum. Ultimately, the outcome was exactly what was meant for me and I would have learned this a lot sooner without all of the hype and expectation. Lesson learned!
The Test: Sixth Sense
Now this lesson goes a bit deeper and was more of a confirmation than it was a lesson but either way I am thankful. When I think back to all the difficulties I had to face recently, the common denominator in all three of them was myself. What does that mean, well I knew before I naively chose to encourage these events that there were certain results that were inevitable and I chose to ignore that feeling I had. At the moment, immediate gratification was clearly the most desired response rather than patience. Shame on me, I knew better literally. I always knew I had some sort of deep intertwined connection with both the past and future but oftentimes, being human I would brush it off as something that is just impossible or maybe I was just a bit insane! But no, turns out I actually do have a very keen sense for both, upcoming situations and people. You can’t fool me, let’s just say that…..I will know! Lesson learned!
The Test: Gut Instincts
Although, as I mentioned in most cases gut instinct and sixth sense are two in the same but I also believe that sixth sense can be more a general overall belief of a result in a situation or instance but with a gut feeling I believe is more of an intimate sense specifically directed to one situation or person. I almost always receive some form of a gut check when it comes to immediate events. Example, I would have a sixth sense about how a particular day will unfold but a gut feeling about a particular moment in time on that same day. I foolishly chose to ignore these gut feelings sometimes and again for a more instant fulfilment. In all three of these situations again….my gut, inner sense and sense of direction were screaming at me. What was I even thinking, but as things start running smoothly in our lives it’s easy to take these precious gifts for granted. I will NOT take them for granted any longer. Lesson learned!
This brings us to the “now” where I have moved past all of those tests and challenges and am fully re-aligned. I must have passed all of my tests with flying colours because once I was able to discern the reasons for those tests, let me tell you, the WHY is such a huge, amazing surprise in my life. You see the Universe responds to your thoughts and deepest desires and was able to read mine more clearly than I even could. Not only am I being delivered my deepest desires but because I was able to pull back and tap into my senses before it was too late, my desires have been answered tenfold. The future literally has never looked so very bright. All of the darkness we go through, which from time to time is always going to happen; it makes the brighter times so much brighter. This is why it’s so important to dig deep and not give up and give in to those feelings of despair. EVERYTHING ALWAYS GETS BETTER!!! So for those of you coming through some tough times as you grow, hang tight because your payday is right there…can’t you taste it, smell it?! It’s yours for the taking.
I almost can’t even wrap my head around how much has changed for me in the last 6 months but the same is going to happen for you and let me tell ya, six months goes by pretty damn quick!
This brings me back to the beginning, what the fuck is going on?! But this time it’s because things are more amazing than you could have ever imagined for yourself. You’ve started to discover who you are and develop that self worth that should have been born into you as a child. Believing that you are worthy of good, magic and miracles. Just watch all the puzzle pieces start to fall into place…it’s a beautiful thing! Personal elevation is a journey that you have to properly pack for, make sure you have all your patience, calm mind and have completed all your gut checks because your in for a bumpy ride. Roller coasters have nothing on the journey of elevation so strap yourself in, allow yourself to scream when you’re coming down those big scary drops and take in every amazing second of looking up into the stars as your rise back up!
I would love to hear your stories of tests and challenges and how you were rewarded for your belief and faithfulness to the beautiful Divine [email protected]
Until next Thursday, Be Happy, Be Kind and most important…..LOVE YOURSELF <3
Ready, Set, UNLEASH!
Well here we are, the final post to my very first blog series. I really hope that you have found some value and insight with what I have shared with you and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to join me on this journey and allowing me to be very real and raw with you! Your comments and support have been so overwhelming and I love you all!
What I can say after diving into all this deep, dark secret stuff is that the enlightenment and release you feel after allowing yourself to move through all of those emotions and feelings is pure freedom. Freedom from despair, guilt, embarrassment, anger…all of it gone (or at least most of it, some traumas take more time and practice than others) and you’re just free to be. Now that you have been able to dive deep and find what needs to be plucked from your subconscious mind and your memories, even though it’s going to be a work in progress for a while….what do you have planned for your new life, what changes are you going to send forward? What hard but necessary decisions are you going to make? Life is just one big upward spiralling road of journeys and each new day brings new hope and new circumstance. You’re never too old to start fresh, age is literally just a number!
Just to recap, the few steps that I have taken are:
~ A very disciplined work out schedule, this is so important to keep the mind and body in shape.
~ I took the necessary steps to get my finances in order and what a relief and breath of fresh air that was!
~ I moved into my dream condo because that is what I chose as my worthwhile expense and I needed to remove myself from the negative environment I was living in and to start fresh.
~ I changed who I Spent my time with, only positive people allowed!
~ I also changed up how I spent my time…..less TV, more reading, music and meditation.
This world needs more happy, authentic and genuine humans. People that can see through the bullshit and call a spade a spade. It’s so important to have a clear mind and to navigate through the mounds of commercialism, socialism and chaos. Not only about everyday purchases but also in mental health, physical health and even friendships and love. What does that mean, well it’s quite simple actually. This world wants to sell, sell anything it can make money with no matter the consequence. Let’s start with mental health BUT first, let’s be clear on something; I DO believe that mental health is in fact a rising serious issue this day in age. But what is the first thing that the professionals do? Sell their drugs. They don’t make money by telling you to change your diet or to exercise and get more fresh air. Or how about practising positivist and meditation or maybe try some yoga? You know, the old “fake it til you make theory”! I’m Not saying that’s the answer in all cases but these changes in your life can have a huge impact even if coupled with therapy and medication. Then there’s your physical health; they try to sell you a million different weight loss products, pills and surgeries etc. Pills literally for any ailment you might have, instead of one of the most effective, natural and yes…honestly, the more difficult cures……exercise. Which can be the answer to most any physical health issue you suffer. NO PAIN ~ NO GAIN. Then this brings me to LOVE. Which is almost the most commercialised of all..…think about it, they use the concept of love in any commercial nowadays, cars, travel, insurance, food and the list goes on. Don’t even get me started on Valentines Day, this day is nothing but a mechanism for full commercial response. I mean no offence to those that appreciate this “holiday” but for me personally, I’d much rather be with someone that shows me this kind of appreciation everyday.
Why am I talking about all of this, easy it’s because we as humans no longer truly think for ourselves anymore even if you aren’t aware of it you are being influenced in some way. We are so conditioned through TV, Radio, Social Media to believe what they are telling us and selling us. Like hey, these are the cold hard facts and you MUST believe….that’s just not the case. Being genuinely open minded has a much deeper meaning than just the typical purpose we usually use this term for. Open mindedness is also getting all of those chakras opened up. Read up on it. The physical ailments this can cause to the human body to suffer from if one or more of your chakras are closed is mind blowing actually. There are exercises and meditations etc to help with opening these points up in your body and let me tell you….game changer for sure!
Here’s a break down of the chakras in case you were unfamiliar:
After having worked very hard to open all my chakras and to finally become aligned with the universal vibrations: Here’s what being “unleashed” means to me, as you may or may not be aware I took…..
The trip from Hell, that was heaven sent!
Why didn’t you stop me?! Oh yeah, that’s right when I make up my mind about something there is NO changing it!
Have you ever planned something and had big ideas and dreams on how it was all going to play out? Yeah I do that every time and every time I am reminded that life always has a way of showing you who’s boss. As part of my new-found identity I decided that I needed to experience travelling alone and I had never been to the big beautiful City of Montreal before so hey, why not kill two birds with one stone right?! Everything was working out perfectly, flights booked, hotels booked … .two days in Laval and then another two in Old Montreal. Even had plans to meet up with an old friend for dinner that I was so looking forward to. Also bought tickets to go visit an art exhibit of a new up and coming street artist, Banksy. Everything was going to be spectacular.
Day 1, My flight departure to Montreal,
I arrived at the airport at 5 am, my flight was scheduled to take off at 6:35 m and I had been up since 2:45 am because of course I couldn’t sleep, I was too excited! Went through security and finally boarded the plane to take me to my “perfect” vacation. We were departing on time I might add. Well, so I thought and this is where the fun begins. We were all set to go, the plane started to back up and they were doing the safety presentations and then all of a sudden the lights started to flicker….well fuck! Next thing you know they are pulling the plane back up to the ramp. They announce that they need to do some checks…..I’m thinking OK, check away and let’s go! We are about 45 mins in and they finally come on the PA to announce that we all need to disembark the plane, there are engine troubles and the plane will be delayed. So I waited and waited and waited some more, 3 hours later they finally came back to say the flight had been cancelled and we needed to make our way to the counter to reschedule our flights. I NEEDED to get there for the that day is at all possible and at worst early morning on the 20th. The line up was so intense, we’re talking hours of waiting. I jumped on the Air Canada app and bought another ticket for the next morning just in case. Finally I received notification after waiting in line over 3 hours that I was rebooked to a new added flight leaving at 6 pm. By this time it was already well after 2 so there was not much point leaving the airport because I had to go through security again. So 6 pm hits and the new flight….DELAYED. OK enough with the jokes, it’s really time to go now. But FINALLY 30 mins late we are finally boarding (thank god). Fly into the airport, holy Montreal airport is a zoo, wow! I called an Uber and of course waited over an hour for the car but hey, at least I was finally on Quebec soil and still on the 19th even though I lost the daytime hours, I still had time for a nice late supper and a glass of wine to unwind from the day.
Got up the next morning. By the way, the Courtyard Hotel in Laval is beautiful, I must say. Went downstairs for a delicious breakfast to start my day. Decided I was going to go take a nice walk around the area and then head to the mall for some shopping. It was nearing the time I was supposed to meet my old friend for supper but I had enough time to head to the hotel gym for a bit too. Great day so far right! Well, here’s where it gets good. Finally met up with my friend, we got to chat for a bit and get caught up on life. Went our separate ways for an hour to get ready for dinner and all of a sudden I’m not feeling so good but I figured it was just because I was starving, So I ignored it and continued to get ready. We met down in the lobby and headed over to the restaurant we had reservations at and while standing in line waiting to be seated my head started to spin. Like I was going to pass out spin, what is going on?! Instantly I said, “I have to leave”, went back to my room and I was SICK…I mean I’ve never been this sick before in my life. I had come down with a case of food poisoning and no clue where I got it. Full evening straight through the entire following day in bed! Fever, aches, nausea. I had to cancel my hotel in Montreal and extend my stay where I was because I was NOT making the commute. Well, by this time it’s now Thursday morning and time to go home. I muster enough energy to get out of bed, have a shower and go to the restaurant and try to eat something. I tried to book an earlier flight but there wasn’t anything available so 8 pm it was, another day at the airport. The plane boards on time and everything was good to go, then there were issues with the baggage loading, PLANE DELAYED. We finally arrived in Moncton at roughly 11:15 pm. I am so wiped at this point and can not wait to get home…..I FORGOT the country concert is in town. NO CABS OR UBERS to be had. Finally a few cabs started slowly trickling in and I was able to grab one. Arrived home at 12:15 am and the APP to open the front door to my building isn’t working…..I shit you not! So I wait until finally someone coming into the building shows up and I burst through those doors like a Tsunami pushed me through!
The story I posted while waiting in the YUL!
(pure class I am LOL)
I would think by this time any normal person may have lost their mind right?! I mean the money spent, the plans cancelled, the tickets cancelled, the delays … .but you know what I choose to be thankful. I am thankful they noticed an issue with the plane BEFORE it took off. I’m thankful the plans with my friend fell through, not sure why yet but it was definitely a moment of clarity and closure for me so I will take that as a blessing and the list goes on.
Again this is, in my mind, what it means to be READY, SET, UNLEASHED. You have to roll with the punches and find a way to be thankful, life is also going to throw curve balls that are just plain and simple part of the good ol’ “Murphy’s law”.
What is your first BIG adventure going to be to help you celebrate the unleashed you?! I’d love to hear your stories so please feel free to share your accomplishments, adventures and breakthrough with me [email protected]
Now that this series is finished I am going to start focusing on more enlightening, positive, creative and aspiring stories and I will be changing up the posting schedule to once a week on Thursday evenings with the odd exception of an impromptu post (so be sure to subscribe link below so you don’t miss any surprises!) that I see worthy to talk about. Thanks so much for being a part of This Art Girls journey and I hope you keep me posted on yours!
Until next Thursday, Be Happy, Be Kind and most important……LOVE YOURSELF <3
Be Confident, Not Confined!
Let me ask you a question, how many times in your life have you agreed to something…..an event, a purchase, a date with a creep because they wouldn’t bugger off!……whatever it may have been but you REALLY didn’t want to do it? How did it make you feel? Please feel free to leave your comments, I want to hear them because I will be doing a follow up piece to this post at a later date.
Self-sacrifice and people pleasing are real mental blocks and dream killer, it’s time to move past all of that!
I am going to share another evening with you from my high school days, this was the most frightened I have ever felt in my life! Like I mentioned before, I didn't have any self-confidence or any form of a backbone, full on ball jellyfish I was when I was younger….peer pressure and following the masses was the story of my life. Making proper decisions for myself, NOPE! Every bad decision that was available, I made it. All a direct relation to me being a shell of a person. Which led me to spending time with more unsavoury types of people, let alone dating them. In grade 12 I started seeing a guy who for lack of better words, had a shady character to say the least. But he was the quintessential “bad boy” which was what I was all about! His “friends” were even worse and I am talking dangerous with no exaggeration. They liked to party and their parties were beyond WILD. I didn’t necessarily agree with my boyfriend's lifestyle and his friends were aware of this. Like any typical Friday night, he got an invite to one of their famous ”backwoods” parties. He asked me to go and I told him this was likely not a good idea, his friends DID NOT accept me because I wasn't “one of them”. He insisted I would be fine and that he could keep them in line. Well, because I wasn’t confident and was fully confined, I agreed to go…..sigh!
We drove for about 20 mins outside city limits and pulled into a clearing where we parked the car, got out and started walking towards the woods. We probably walked for about 10 mins until we got to where we were going. It was an open area with a cluster of tents and a small little run down looking cabin. There were a few fires burning in different spots with lots of yelling and laughing going on. Some guys being guys were scrapping and horsing around. I could hear glass breaking from bottles being thrown around……it was total fucking chaos! We walked up to a group of people and when they saw us coming I heard one of them say, "I told you not to bring "that " (he was referring to me). My boyfriend said, "hey she's with me and I am", but that wasn't good enough for them. I won’t give details on what type of group of people they were, but they were definitely the “take care of your own” and rid the rest kind of group. I was taken into the little run down cabin and tossed to the corner and told to stay there. I sat on the floor in that corner all curled up in a ball just hoping and praying we were going to leave soon. All of a sudden yelling started and it kept getting louder and louder. It was my boyfriend and these guys hollering back and forth at each other. Next thing I knew, I could hear fists flying! You ever hear the sound of someone getting punched and kicked…..it's gut wrenching! I was petrified at this point because I knew my boyfriend was on the receiving end of the group beating. A couple minutes later the door to the cabin burst open and my boyfriend came flying through it head first. His face was all bloody and cut up, he was holding his ribs and could barely breathe. He stumbled trying to stand up and grab a hold of me and said let's go!
We exited the cabin and it was surrounded with all of them, yelling and calling me horrible names like skank, cunt, bitch…..they were calling him, trader, scab, asshole and the list goes on. They were throwing bottles at us and kicking us, telling us to never come back as we walked past them. I got hit in the head with a bottle and was kicked a couple times. After what seemed like forever, we finally made it back to the car, got in and left. I never felt so much relief!
I tell you this story to remind you how important it is for you to stand your ground, be confident enough to make your own decisions and not be confined by the opinions and pressures of others. It's an actual matter of safety sometimes! No, it isn't always as serious as this when it comes to not making your own decisions but, you never really know do you. There's a reason you're always told to trust your gut and this is an example that I'll carry with me always.
There are also very positive reasons to trust your instincts and for making your own decisions too. Like allowing the Universe to guide you to be at the right place at the right time for blessings to occur in your life. This could be anything from meeting someone who brings good into your life to buying the winning lotto ticket at the right location…..the list is endless, you just have to be open to it. If you aren't confident in who you are and what you believe it's a lot harder for these types of miracles to take place. So, how can you build yourself up to “level up”. First start that list of actions I gave to you in my previous blogs, the big one is allowing yourself to live a healthier lifestyle. Truly this is key, being clear minded and healthy is truly the key to your emotional and physical wealth. Meditate, change up your diet, change up your daily routine even if it' is only's something as small as getting up an hour earlier in the mornings to enjoy the sunrise. These little positive changes really do make such a huge impact. Don't believe me, TRY IT!
I started making some of these changes in my life and for a while I thought, well this seems to be taking forever ... .I don't see any difference but much like losing weight, it's gradual. You don't see any changes for some time and then suddenly, one day you wake up feeling a bit happier. Or maybe you're finding that your patience is getting better and little things aren't irritating you any more. Could be that you see a physical difference in your skin, it's glowing a bit more. These are all positive changes to building up that confidence. I have personally reached a level where I have been able to gain confidence in every aspect of my life, how I feel about myself, my attitude towards how others see me. Right down to the smallest details, for example if someone asks my opinion on a shirt they want to buy…..if someone trusts me enough to ask my opinion the least I can do is be honest with them. Like, hey that shirt belongs on the store rack not on your rack. Don't just tell them what you think they want to hear, that's people pleasing and total garbage! After all that's what they are looking for, honesty. It's truly liberating being able to make choices based on what's 100% in YOUR best interest and can only lead to greater things in your life…..let it happen!
The feeling of confinement is crippling and does a number on your mental state and by confinement I mean mental confinement (feeling trapped). If you're not sure how to move past the mental block then please reach out to a professional because it's probably one of the biggest but most important hurdles to your self-discovery process. There is no greater feeling than just saying NO, with no reason,, no excuse, no justification…..just plain NO to something or someone that you've always reluctantly said yes to out of obligation (people pleasing reaction). No is a great word and should be used way more often. I mean obviously we want to help others, of course! Being kind and caring is fundamental to being a good human but at what cost, you must decide where to draw that line. That's what needs to be relearned and exercised, finding that fine line is definitely a balancing act but hey, balancing a tightrope gives you great looking legs 😉
Sample situation: Someone you know (sister, brother, friend..doesn’t matter) that has zero responsibility and pisses all their money away on needless crap says, “hey can I borrow $100, NO is the answer. First of all you’ll likely never get it back so if $100 is a lot to you then it's not something you can’t afford to give, especially since this situation is not likely to be a life or death situation. Secondly you're just enabling this person to continue with their toxic lifestyle and that's not doing them any favours either in reality.
So in closing, learn to say YES to yourself and NO to others when it doesn't serve you in a positive way. This is a fairly short, but to the point post to get you thinking about where you are at when it comes to being confined, maybe you are and didn't even realise it? Take care of you, figure out what is most important to your well-being. If you aren't happy with yourself then you'll never be happy with anyone else or make anyone else happy; that's just simple math.
- Meditate
- Re-evaluate
- Contemplate
- Deliberate
Until Friday, Be Happy, Be Kind and most important....LOVE YOURSELF! <3
Relationship Release – Article 4
Relationships……where to even start with this one! You can’t live with them and you certainly can’t live without them. Really, this applies to more than just love relationships, friends, family it’s all in there. Having healthy, happy relationships is really all anyone wants because at the end of the day its human nature to love and be loved isn’t it?
There are a whole lot of factors that come into play depending on what type of relationship we are talking about so let’s start with friends first, honestly these types of relations are actually the easiest and most effective bonds to form in my opinion. Yes, I know that some friends can be very difficult but lets face it, we ourselves aren’t always a joy ride either. Human emotions are complex. Friendship energies are typically compatible on a few different levels and the more intricate levels are not really necessary. As long as this person is trustworthy and loyal, at the end of the day that’s all that really matters. Why? Well, what are friends for?
- Companionship
- Reliability
- Support
- Entertainment
I am sure there are a few more characteristics that can be added to that list but those are the basic fundamentals. When friendships become a bit challenging it’s usually pretty easy to understand why, maybe it’s just a bad day or they (or you) aren’t feeling well. Either way, you go home, they go home and that’s sort of where it ends. You sleep on it and most times you are ready to pick up where you left off after a couple days apart. Although I’m not naive and do know that some friendships are in fact more complicated than this, the majority rules on this one
Next we move on to family (we’ll save the best for last), now this form of relationship can prove to be a bit more complex. Primarily this is due to obligation, we are always taught…..they are family you have to accept them and allow them in your life. Yes, embrace your family of course as they are in fact so very important. But on the flip side, you don’t get to choose what family you are born into. Who’s to say that if you had a choice that you would pick that exact family? Something just to provoke some thought ;). I have already opened up about my complex family dynamic and I know that I am not the only one that grew up under similar circumstances so I am not going to go into great detail. What I can say is that I do have a couple of family members that I personally have had to distance from. I love them dearly but at the end of the day it was what was best for my son at the time. You see, sometimes it is not yourself that is being affected so always be conscious of others as well, especially when you are a parent. On the positive side your family can and should give the following:
- Kindness
- Honesty
- Trust
- Reliability
- Love
- Compassion
- Tough love (when needed)
- Support
Again, I am sure there are many more that should be on this list but those are the basic traits needed to make up a good balance. One issue I have had to deal with within my family that was a tough one was emotional manipulation. DO NOT allow this to happen, stop it as soon as you recognise it! This type of behaviour seems to be almost hereditary and boys that is poisonous. Let’s be clear when I talk about family I am not just referring to immediate family, in-laws and distant family are included in this category. At the end of the day stand strong in what you feel you are willing to tolerate and don’t allow anything less. Especially moving forward if you are trying to rebuild yourself.
So this brings us to the most powerful and the most weakening relationship of all, LOVE. Love brings about the most intense feelings, feelings of being alive or alternatively feelings of death. Its the essence of humanity no matter your beliefs. Everyone no matter who you are at some point will want and need some form of companionship. Oh those feelings, you know the first falling ones… the butterflies, the excitement, the energy and the SEX! OMG the connection you feel when your relationship is fresh. Like the two of you are literally one body….
Even though I have been through my share of relationships and heartbreak, these are feelings and emotions that I most definitely want to experience again. The difference this time is that I am whole and happy, I love the person I have become so anyone coming into my life will either also love ALL of me and accept ALL of me or nothing. There will be no more compromise and just let me clarify, I understand there has to be a basic compromise in a relationship but for things like where to vacation or what type of dog or house to buy. My essence and self worth is NO LONGER or sale. You buy all of me or move onto the next house…you picking up what I’m putting down?! For YEARS I spent my time in a relationship where I always had to question if what I was doing was acceptable or worry about what he would think about decisions I made, right down to the clothes I bought or the music I would listen to. Or the big one, my emotions! I’m am an emotional human being, I feel deeply but I always give love and feelings deeply. NEVER EVER let anyone tell you to stop overreacting or stop being so sensitive. Those are good qualities and make for an amazing, empathetic and caring person. Now there are levels of what emotions you can relay without going to the extreme obviously. Is there such a thing as overreacting? But really, it’s just reacting that is the problem. Start practising responding rather than reacting…..GAME CHANGER! Take a minute, learn to really listen and take in what is happening and being said. Try to see the bigger picture and evaluate any outside factors…..then you will be a much better communicator. Even if it’s anger you want to react with, you can do that but with much more intelligence and in a way more approachable manner. This will open up the avenue of an actual two-way conversation much more likely to come to common consensus. I am aware I am no relationship expert but I also know that some people just can’t be reasoned with so you have to change the way YOU handle things in order to get a healthier outcome.
Normally this is where I would share a memory with you and trust me, I have plenty but I am not going to this time. I am simply going to provide you with the tools I have developed from having experienced MANY unhealthy and damaging encounters. Episodes that left me feeling absolutely worthless and nothing should make you feel that way. You can’t change others but you can change YOU. At the end of the day that is the answer…..learn through living and grow through the pain. A very wise and very important person in my life said to me once, “you can’t have flowers without the rain”. Isn’t that the truth!
So, relationship release. The topic of this post and what I am trying to say is that no matter the relationship there should always be clear boundaries in what you allow and accept. You must become whole and know your worth to move to this level of growth. You can not decide what is acceptable if you yourself are not mentally healthy and intact. Building your self-esteem and confidence isn’t an easy task especially if you have dealt with emotional or verbal abuse. If you aren’t sure if that is what is happening to you, please do your research and reach out to someone, because these forms of abuse are just as detrimental as physical abuse. I won’t give details but I will say that in my lifetime I have experienced all 3 forms of abuse which is what took me so long to start my healing journey… I had A LOT of shit to work through (I still work at it everyday) but you MUST. There is so much happiness out there for you and it’s time to grab life by the “horns” and find that joy. I realise that sometimes this is easier said than done but just take little tiny baby steps every day. Start with a morning affirmation session or the practice of forcing a smile, you’d be surprised how effective that can be!
If you are going through anything of these situations or any of this sounds familiar and you just want someone impartial to vent to, I am here….I’m a great listener <3 Feel free to shoot me an email [email protected].
In closing, what I am saying in a nutshell is build yourself up to tear down the walls of confinement … .so you can develop a proper relationship release!
Next post is scheduled for the 20th and I am on vacation so I will be posting at 10 am instead of 9 pm because I will be BUSY that evening 😉
Until Tuesday, Be Happy, Be Kind and most importantly love yourself!
Daddy Issues
Here we are, at the halfway mark of my first blog series. My hope is that you’ve received some valuable insight so far and have been able to find areas of growth and have begun your own transformation. It’s the most liberating feeling!
Before I jump into this post, I would like to once again clarify, I am not sharing my history and stories with you for any form of sympathy, pity or attention…I’m good and don’t need it. I am well into my own self-discovery journey and am at absolute peace with my past, present and future. My ONLY goal here is to be transparent and authentic in order for all of you amazing humans to feel somehow connected to me and to know that you are understood and valued. I also want to be an example to everyone proving that no matter the battles you face in life, they DO NOT have to define who you are. For anyone who needs it, I hope you get some validation and solace when reading my blog. That’s all I want from this. Once this series is finished, I will be launching a brand new set of blogs filled with positivity, light and joy to help usher you into the beginning of your new higher selves.
One foot in front of the other and here we go…..
Oh daddy where art thou? Not in my life, just the way I like it. I mentioned before how much it tickles me how the Universe drops little signs and synchronicities when you are in alignment. Before I started this blog and drafted this first series, I hadn’t seen the boogeyman (bio dad) in roughly 10 years. (I’ll get to when I do finally meet him face to face later). Well, this morning I woke up, it’s Sunday morning and decided that I was going to start writing this particular post, “Daddy Issues” later today. I headed to the gym and then had to run some errands before heading back home and would you believe it if I told you that TODAY of all days, while at the grocery store I walked right past him. Full eye contact and all, did he recognise me….absolutely and not a word was spoken. Can you say, CONFIRMATION!
I am going to jump into my teen years which like most teens, was a difficult time in my life. Problem was, I lacked guidance and always felt very alone. It seemed as though I was dragging myself through my days, walking aimlessly with no direction in my life. Sure I had some great friends and did have some good times, and I am so thankful for those moments. The majority of those good times however, I was either piss loaded drunk or high so I don’t remember a lot of it sadly (total train wreck I was) To back things up just a bit, when I was about 13-14 years old our “happy family” broke apart and my mother was destroyed over it. If you didn’t read the earlier blogs in this series and wanted to, they can be found under ARCHIVE BLOGS. Things at home became very volatile. My mom and I were fighting all the time and my middle brother had MANY issues of his own developing for a multitude of reasons. My baby brother was too young to really understand what was happening. I was already a mess and couldn’t handle the pressure so I retreated, I moved in with my grandmother when I was 15. She did her best to guide me (much love Nan) but I was wild and out of control at this point. I only found comfort in the bottle and boys, all too often found myself in very precarious situations.
You see, I know there are some fantastic single moms out there but there’s just something so important about a girl having a father in her life to love and protect her, make her feel like nothing in this world can touch her. I know now that a lot of my issues stemmed from abandonment and fear of not having that protector in my life. This also created some serious attachment issues. I will elaborate on that in the next blog, Relationship Release. So if you have a good dad in your life that does his best, give him a hug and thank him. He’s a precious commodity.
I used sex as a way to feel connected, didn’t matter who really so long as it temporarily filled that void. We all know that is not healthy at all! This also ultimately changed the way I perceived what real intimacy was and how a healthy relationship felt.
I am going to share the memory of an evening that occurred when I was at one of my lowest points. Myself and a couple of “friends” and I put friends in quotations because these were people I had just recently met, were all heading out to see the movie The Doors that had just been released in theatres. After the movie the plan was to hit up a house party (or 5). So I blindly followed these “friendly strangers” to the first party, I had also had no clue whose party this was. Of course, I had way too much to drink and dropped a hit of “Acid” for the first (and ONLY) time! On top of that we were all doing ”blades” of hash at this party. By the way, I’m still only 15 at the time. A couple hours in, I’m sitting on the couch of a total stranger with no idea who was sitting around me. No clue where all my so called friends had disappeared to and really didn’t care at the moment. All of a sudden it felt like my throat was completely closing and I was feeling very off and nauseous. I stumbled outside to the balcony (we were on the 3rd floor of a triplex I think it was). I leaned over the railing and started to pass out. I would have gone over but somebody behind me caught me thankfully and carried me back into the house and laid me on the couch. FULL overdose that night, I was in and out of consciousness and I heard a few people saying, “should we call an ambulance”? For the record, no ambulance was called. I remember NOTHING after that and the next day I woke up alone in some apartment building hallway. No idea how I got there but I know whatever happened that night wasn’t good! I sadly didn’t learn my lesson from that night either, I have horror stories for days like this … .not sure how I survived my teens really. It’s sort of a miracle, honestly what was all that?!
Of course because of my untamed behaviour I built a “name”” for myself which made it very easy for guys to show interest in me. I became addicted to that attention and thought I needed it. It was worse than the drugs and alcohol themselves. But then that interest would quickly fade and there I was feeling hollow again, such a viscous cycle. I somehow managed to graduate and with decent marks actually. Scary to think what I may have accomplished had I actually applied myself and received the encouragement to do so. By grade 12, my anxiety was at an all time high, I skipped Prom all together and pretty much turned into a hermit. High school grade 12 trip…nope wasn’t doing it!
Does any of this sound familiar to you? You know, abandonment issues don’t have to just come from an absent parent, any number of events can cause this and it’s a real problem when it comes to trying to function in good healthy relationships with people. From this, trust issues are born and as I mentioned earlier, also creates a distortion between attachment and connection.
I know that part of the reason I ended making all of these poor decisions was a direct result of those nasty “daddy issues”. I worked hard and moved past my demons and so can you. I no longer let them define the way I see love, sex, relationships or myself most importantly.
The exercises I gave you in my previous blog are the same ones I used to work through these painful memories and learn to love myself, maybe for the first time ever. I will recap them here for you:
- Meditate and allow yourself to thoroughly scour your childhood/teen memories.
- Make a list of all the traumatic events that you recall, every single one of them that make you feel a certain way.
- Deal with each event separately, how?
- Each night while you’re lying in bed, choose a memory and bring that day or night into your mind as clearly as possible. Try to remember every detail, feel all the feels and then picture your adult self coming to the teen you and comforting them. Tell your teen self what you need to hear at that moment. Give your teen self and hug and provide comfort. Walk your teen self to a clearing filled with bright light and usher them off into that light… …letting go of all those feelings of sorrow and pain with your teen self. Watch until the feelings and the teen fade into full disappearance.
- Repeat this exercise for as long as you need to until those memories no longer invoke feelings in you, that’s when you have regained full control!
- Affirmations should become a daily practice as well.
Now to fast forward to when I did actually meet the boogeyman. My son had just turned 3 and I thought he deserved to know more about his family history. Perhaps if bio-dad met his grandson maybe it would change things for us too. I had a lot of reservations about doing this, I mean if he wanted a relationship with me he was the parent and the responsibility should have been on him to do so. But me now being a parent myself, I put my child’s needs first. I reached out to my paternal grandparents first, and set up a time to meet with them. They were sweet and kind, if any good came from this meeting it was to meet my grandmother. She was such a soft, kind lady, she passed from cancer just a couple years after I met her so I was very thankful for the time we had. During our visit they said they would reach out to my father to see where his thoughts were. It took some time to hear back but after a few weeks had passed he agreed to meet. I remember so vividly, he showed up at my place. I welcomed him in and one of the first things out of his mouth was, “so why did you reach out now and not earlier, do you need something”? At that point I should have slammed the fucking door in his face. But me being me, I accepted it and tried to make the best of this meeting. Over the next couple years we TRIED to develop a relationship but I always felt like just a visitor in his life. Never really treated the same as his son and daughter… .so, I backed off and had no more contact with him. I Didn’t need anything else making me feel bad. I did that well enough on my own…..BLOOD ISN’T ALWAYS THICKER THAN WATER!
If you have anyone in your life out of obligation that does not lift you up and bring positive to your life…..let them go. You do not have a responsibility to anyone but yourself. This includes friends or family. You don’t have to completely cut them out (unless you want to) but you can put enough distance between you to allow yourself to feel free from their negativity.
I know I skipped 3 or 4 years of my life here but I will fill in the gaps in my next blog.
Before I jump into this post, I would like to once again clarify, I am not sharing my history and stories with you for any form of sympathy, pity or attention…I’m good and don’t need it. I am well into my own self-discovery journey and am at absolute peace with my past, present and future. My ONLY goal here is to be transparent and authentic in order for all of you amazing humans to feel somehow connected to me and to know that you are understood and valued. I also want to be an example to everyone proving that no matter the battles you face in life, they DO NOT have to define who you are. For anyone who needs it, I hope you get some validation and solace when reading my blog. That’s all I want from this. Once this series is finished, I will be launching a brand new set of blogs filled with positivity, light and joy to help usher you into the beginning of your new higher selves.
Pick yourself up! Brush yourself off and keep moving forward, working towards a better you, you’re in there!
Until Friday night…
Be Happy, Be Kind and most importantly, love yourself!
Release that sad inner child - article 3
WARNING, sensitive content
Before I start, I want to let everyone know that I am going to be painfully honest here, so to anyone directly involved with any events I discuss or that are a part of my life, here’s your “heads-up. I apologise if some of these memories be a bit tough to read but it’s MY story to tell and I’m not holding back.
Did you know that the trauma and emotional distress you feel as an adult isn’t always directly linked to events in your adult life. You can suffer from emotional issues going as far back as toddler years and not even know it. You say, “Oh, that happened when I was 3….I’m over it’! Yeah, are you really?!
This post is going to be very personal and exposing. I am sharing this with you not only to encourage you to work through any childhood traumas you have but also to emphasize the importance of clearing out the past to make room for the present and future. In turn, this also brings me to my final step to eliminate mine. So thank you for reading (much love). This is an important process in emotional healing. I will start by sharing some history with you about my childhood and then a couple of very splintery memories. Lastly, I will give you with the steps I took to move through all of these complex emotions.
Here we go…...
My mother found out she was pregnant with me when she was in high school at age 15 and back then, 1973 to be exact; that was not the most popular life choice. Of course, being scared and young she thought it best to bring me into this world, but that adoption would be the better option for everyone involved. My mother was smart, had honors in high school but ultimately decided to drop out because of the shame of being pregnant and unwed. I was born in Fredericton NB just a few short hours after my mom turned 16. I am not entirely sure how the whole thing played out but, at the last minute it was decided that the family was going to keep me. So, for the first couple of years of my life I lived with my aunt and uncle. The plan was to give my mother the time she needed to “figure things out” and bring me home to live with her when she felt ready. Looking back, this may have been part of the reason I didn’t feel as strong a bond with my mother that I should have in my younger years. Those few tender, impressionable years are so important for a child to develop trust and form those pivotal bonds. Nonetheless, I loved her dearly and she meant (and means) the world to me. She gave me life and I am forever grateful to her.
My memory is sparse at best about my younger years, but I do recall my mom had met a man when I was about 2 or 3 years old. I believe they married shortly after and when I was 4, she had my middle brother. As the next couple years passed, things were NOT perfect by any means…. there were a lot of intense fights, this man was an alcoholic and was very aggressive and abusive, I think I even recall a gun appearing at some point but can’t be certain. This left my mom with no choice but to leave with nothing but some clothes and her two kids. She’s now a single mom at roughly the age of 22 trying her best.
We went to stay with my grandmother, she was our savior and rock (I owe my life to this woman). From there I recall a couple of gentlemen friends here and there and moving around a fair bit until I was roughly 8 or 9. That's when she met my (now deceased) stepdad. He was a fair bit younger than her, and of course his family DID NOT approve but that didn't stop them from being together and eventually getting married. This was the first time I remember the feeling of a somewhat “happy home”. I was 10'ish and along came my youngest brother, he was our Christmas miracle, the baby that was the glue to our family’s happiness. I hadn’t mentioned my biological father yet because at this point, I didn’t know better and was too young to ask, I guess I just carried the pretense that my stepdad was my dad, at least that was how I dreamt it. Nothing else made any sense in my mind. I mean, what kind of a father doesn’t want to be a part of their baby girls life….he was like the boogey man that lived under my bed as far as I was concerned. In hindsight I realised that this left me with MANY unrecognised “daddy” issues, which I will elaborate on in the next blog of this series.
One day my mom was cutting my hair in the kitchen. I'm not sure how the topic came up but that’s when I found out that my biological father did in fact exist and was living in the same city…...what an out-of-body awkward feeling that was. Soon after that, we were having a family BBQ at a local park (we are living in Moncton NB at this point BTW) called Centennial Park. We had been there for about an hour or so and my mom pulled me aside and quietly whispered in my ear, “if you look over there at the people sitting on the blanket (she pointed to the right of us), that man is your “real” father. Well….it felt like I froze in time. My heart plummeted to the very bottom of my feet, I felt weak and nauseous. I was looking at the actual boogey man that lived under my bed. Watching him over there all happy with his wife and two kids, boy and a girl….so perfect right?! This was one of the first times I learned what strong resilience I was building at such a young age. I picked myself up, shook it off and went back over with my brothers to play and moved on with my day….and my life.
Now, sharing this next memory is one of the hardest and scariest things I have ever done but here it goes….
Fast forward to when I was roughly 12 years old, living out on Salisbury Rd (I mentioned this place in my previous blog). I had a friend that I spent a lot of time with. Her parents ran the local convenience store by my place at the time. Her family always seemed a bit OFF to me but I was young and she was nice to me. We spent most of our time at her place, she lived in the same building they worked in. We would be allowed to grab treats from the store after hours and go watch movies and play board games, what more could you ask for as a kid right (candy was life!). One evening we were having so much fun she thought it would be a good idea if we had a sleepover, we checked with both our parents and they agreed. So I ran home to grab some stuff and came right back. This friend had an older brother and he was fucking CREEPY! Again, I was young and didn't really know better so it didn't stop me from being there. We had finally fallen asleep just before midnight, she slept in her bed and I was on an air mattress on the floor. It was probably about 2 in the morning and I woke up to my friend's brother over top of me with his hands down the back of my pajama bottoms (I won't elaborate beyond that). I was sleeping on my stomach and he wasn’t aware of the fact that I had woken up. I was petrified, mortified and in absolute shock. I couldn't speak but I needed to get him off of me…..I moved around to give him the warning that I “was waking up”. It worked, he got up and left the room, quietly and swiftly. As soon I heard the door shut I started crying and felt so very alone. I couldn't get up to leave in the dark because there was no way I wanted to risk waking up that monster and facing him. I laid there until morning, wide awake until the sun came up. Before my friend even woke up, I grabbed my stuff and took off and ran home. It took a couple of very sad, isolated days, but I finally had told my mom and step-dad what happened. My step-dad immediately took off out the door……I think he found the monster and I do believe he may have completely rearranged his face. Back then, that's how those things were handled and I was just expected to move on.
Although I did my best, this was a very pivotal moment in my life as far as developing some serious trust and shame issues. If anything like this has ever happened to you, please address it…do not let it fester. If you need professional help, please seek it.
That's enough of all of that, now we focus on the healing and “getting better” part! There are a couple of exercises I used to help work my way through all of those repressed feelings I had:
- Meditate and allow yourself to thoroughly scour your childhood memories.
- Make a list of all the traumatic events that you recall, every single one of them that make you feel a certain way.
- Deal with each event separately, how?
- Repeat this exercise for as long as you need to until those memories no longer invoke feelings in you, that's when you have regained full control!
- Affirmations should become a daily practice as well.
If you're reading this blog and are someone who is lucky enough to have had only positive and happy childhood memories, I am so very happy for you! Having a solid, loving and secure upbringing is all you can ask for any child in this world. Children are precious and should only be treated with the utmost respect and must be fiercely protected! I can only hope that after you have read this and are suffering in any way that this helps bring you some solace and peace. After all, that's the purpose of my blog. Thank you for taking the time to share these moments with me, I am blessed and until next Tuesday….
Be Happy, Be Kind and most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF <3
Post 3
Post #2
The Angel You Are, The Devil You Are….
4 min read
Welcome to the Unleash Your Inner Self Series”! I am excited to launch this series of posts and I hope you're all just as excited to read them! I am going to apologise ahead of time as the first part of this article will be a bit dark and heavy but that's what my Blog is all about right, being real and raw. Anyway, bare with me because like anything, it always has to get worse before it gets better right!
Where does it hurt? Everywhere, mind, body, soul…it all aches….
Well, maybe not everywhere but that's what it feels like doesn't it? I know it did for me. Have you ever heard of “referred pain” also known as “reflective pain”? It’s pain perceived at a location other than the site of the painful source. The reason for the terminology lesson is that one very important discovery I made through my healing journey is that each time I identified what I thought was another location of my emotional or psychological pain, I quickly learned it was related to something else entirely. I like to call this referred emotional suffering, (if other people can make up words then so can I right!). It’s important you are fully aware of what you are trying to heal from, chances are there are multiple areas of your life that require TLC. This emotional referred pain can be deceiving and when you dive in head first trying to recover, say for example from a bad relationship; chances are you aren't going to be able to. Why? Because you haven't first been able to locate the inception of the crack in that relationship.
Seven years ago when I initially started my emotional awareness journey (healing takes time btw so be kind and patient with yourself), the anger and sadness I felt was crushing, sometimes barely manageable. Look in a mirror?…no way, I hated what I saw looking back at me. If I were transparent and you could see me from the inside, it looked like a bad cancer with growths and tentacles attached to every part of me. Completely altering the way I saw the world and everyone in it. Self-worth was virtually non-existent and I had the confidence of a nun at an orgy (to put it mildly LOL). Anxiety was alive and well and held me back from almost everything good in this world.
I was in direct sales at one time and sold a product called Scentsy, I had built an amazing downline of roughly 30 individuals on my team and I had won an all-expense paid 1 week trip to Nashville…..guess who didn't go?! Me, yeah that's right…unbelievable right! The amount of times I passed on opportunities or adventures is almost shameful because of that horrible anxiety.
I am going to share a memory with you (I promise there is a purpose which I will get to at the end).
I remember it was early Fall back in 2018 and my ex and I had a huge fight. Now, you should also know that our fights were not like “normal people'' fights, they were earth shattering and absolutely fucking soul sucking! The unkind words spoken, the yelling and his anger and my incapability of being able to just walk away made for a recipe of hurricane status (sometimes over even the tiniest issues). I won’t get into the cause of this particular event but what I will tell you is that this was one of the moments that solidified my need to accelerate my healing process. I was a wreck, a total disaster with swollen eyes from crying so hard I hyperventilated and trembling like an earthquake. These arguments had a real harsh effect on my nervous system. Getting out of the house was a must but had nowhere to go, I wouldn’t open up to anyone about any of what I was going through ever. I kept all of this to myself. I only turned inward in these moments.
So, I got in the car and drove, which in hindsight I probably shouldn't have been behind the wheel of a car. There was one place I would retreat to in these moments that may seem odd to most, but was a place I felt connected to the one person in this world that meant everything to me, my Grandmother. For a lot of my younger years I lived out on the Salisbury road which was almost like a community of its own located in Moncton. On that road there was (and is still) a graveyard called Fairhaven. No, my Nan was not buried there, she was buried in Fredericton where I was born, but for some reason I felt her presence there. So that's where I headed. Once I arrived, I drove to the back of the graveyard away from the possibility of seeing anyone and sat in my car and cried out in desperation for help ... . to the Universe, the Divine ... .Guardian Angels…spirit Guide; any higher power who would listen. When I opened my eyes a few minutes later and looked out, there was the most robust beautiful Pheasant just standing there in front of my car staring at me. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Now, I mentioned in my first blog post (if you haven't read it, it's under “archived blogs”) that I whole-heartedly believe in the powers of being in tune with the Universe and its synchronisation and this beautiful pheasant had a message for me. I was certain of it, I could feel it in my bones. If you look up the spiritual meaning of the Pheasant (there are a few depending on the representation) but what I found was this.
Protection & Guidance: The pheasant’s watchful eye represents protection, guidance, and divine intervention.
You see, I shared this memory with you not to be all dramatic but for two reasons. Firstly, had I not been watchful and already on my journey to improve my mental health, I may not have even noticed this uplifting message. To some, that may have JUST BEEN A BIRD sitting there. I believe in magic & miracles, they're all around us, and everyone needs something positive to focus on right. That moment will forever be burned in my thoughts. It gave me the strength to get through that sad day and keep pushing forward.
Secondly, I want you to know that if you have or had that same overpowering sadness and pain, you're not alone. You're not crazy or losing your mind. Trauma is real, PTSD in any capacity is real. I've been there and can completely relate and empathize…..sending big virtual hugs to you if this is you right now (( ))
Now all that said, brings me to my recipe for the CLEANSE. These are steps I started to implement in my life when I began my rebuild which helped me a great deal, both physically and mentally.
In order to be successful in your healing journey; similar to surgery, you have to “prep the site” first. Otherwise it's likely “infection” will set in and you'll get sick all over again! (figuratively speaking Now, I am certain you’ve heard some of these suggestions before BUT these are very powerful steps to help improve your physical health which is of the utmost importance if you want to attain emotional health. You CAN NOT have one without the other, it simply doesn't work that way:
WARNING: when you begin this discovery process be prepared! Sometimes you find that some the issue(s) started with you, and that's part of healing. Accepting that you have flaws also and embracing them. Keep the good, rid the bad.
- Start getting proper sleep, you can NOT think clearly if you're over tired.
- Change your diet if it's the shits! No problem eating a treat every so often but eat your greens, some fruit and for god's sake…..get some protein!
- Exercise, I don't care if it's only for a 10 minute walk outside. This is a must! I suggest starting with some Yoga, to help open your Chakras.
- Get some Sun, not nice out? Buy a Happy Light, they work too!
- Meditate, this is so important. You MUST clear your mind and if you have a hard time, try guided meditation.
- One of the most important items on the list; find something creative to do. Anything…paint, knit, write, build something or even colour in a colouring book. Don't think you have a creative streak at all, feel free to contact me and I can try to walk you through finding something that's right for you.
- Find something good in each day. Keep a gratitude journal
- Believe in the magic & miracles of this vast Universe.
- NO EXCUSES!
Once you have established a decent habit applying all of these factors to your days, you will then have successfully “prepped the site” and should be ready to begin your emotional surgery. They say it usually takes a few weeks before you fully establish a habitual process. But, take the time to do it because once you do, you will be well on your way. The goal is to be able to properly dissect and identify areas of your life that need work and where there are unknown or subconscious traumas. I can't even begin to tell you how eye opening this process will be but what I can say is, YOU are worth it ...every second of it. You owe this to yourself. Be sure to allow yourself to flow through all the feelings you're going to have, the anger, the sadness, all of it. You can't get over it until you go THROUGH it.
I wish you the most amazing, eye opening experience and I am here to help any way I can. Feel free to send me a message which is located on my Contact Me page or shoot me an email. I am happy when I see others happy!
Until Friday, be happy, be kind and most of all LOVE YOURSELF <3
Please feel free to leave your Comments
HOW ARE YOU? DO YOU FEEL STUCK, SAD OR UNMOTIVATED?
Be sure to read to the end, I promise after the intro it gets juicier!
Did you know YOU matter, your happiness matters?! My goal is to do my best to encourage and inspire you to LIVE LIFE, I want to motivate you to apply for that job you thought you weren't qualified for, or to step out of your comfort zone and try that new dance class you've been dreaming about. Perhaps, something on a much larger scale like pick up and move to an entirely new city!
I have to be honest, I had this first blog post all planned out and I knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I went back and forth proofreading, editing, pondering and battled with all that typical “beginner's uncertainty”, could I, should I, would I…..then, DELETE!
As I am writing this, It's now 3 days before my launch and I decided that I needed more time meditating and contemplating what I really wanted to say and what the first message I brought to the public eye should be. After all, first impressions only happen once! Something just wasn't sitting right in my gut. TRUST YOUR INTUITION is what mine was telling me. You see, intuition is one of the most important driving forces in your life, if you're not allowing that part of yourself to guide you then you are unable to truly be who you are meant to be.
Side note, trying to develop the actual website for this Blog proved to be way more challenging than the writings themselves ....what a job!
Anyway, back to what I was saying. I had this whole literary plan about how I wanted to tell my entire life story cover to cover, be vulnerable and show you all who I really am, and why I am the way I am. BUT truth is; I am not that same person I was growing up or even a year ago for that matter. Which in turn makes all of that information irrelevant. Irrelevant to me?, no; because all of the pain, trauma, good and bad times I experienced led me to where I am today. They taught me so many valuable lessons. Irrelevant to you all as the readers?, absolutely. I only want to bring positive and enriching life experiences to you. Now, I may reference a memory or two here and there as a catalyst to some of the future messages from time to time, I mean I did say “juicy blog” for a reason!
You see, through my journey this last year (well, really the last 7 years) I have been desperately seeking my purpose, other than my Art that is. Me being able to express myself through slinging paint has always one of go-to's and yes, I have had clients convey how my work had made an impact on their lives in one way or another. But I really wanted something on a much larger scale to make a positive impact in such a negative, sad world. I have discovered through my journey that my purpose is to simply live my life in truth and authenticity in hopes that it will somehow bring some light to those that may need it.
Which brings me to the birth of my blog, how did this come about? Well, this idea was born from people like myself looking for something more in their lives. In April I decided to make some very BIG changes in my life and it seems that people actually pay attention (who knew lol) and through my recent self-discovery journey I started receiving messages from random people expressing their gratitude and admiration for my courage and strength to start over. Re-invent myself, or as I like to see it, strip down to absolutely fucking nothing….and with great thought, care and methodology slowly rebuild. This was all-inclusive, my mind, my soul, my body, my physical surroundings….literally everything.
All that said, the idea for my first blog post was altered to simply this……for those of you who don't really know me (and essentially even those that THINK they do), I will give you a bit of background and tell my story in a cliff note version. Just to give you a sense of who I am and to show some vulnerability, as this is the essence of true connection. Why is that important? Easy, why would you want to take any advice from me or use me as a source of inspiration if you don't feel connected or are unable to relate to me……I mean I wouldn't!
So here goes everything….
Back in 2017, I was 42 at the time and had been married for 8 years (I'll get to the marriage details in a minute), my son was 20 and still living at home. We bought a house back in 2008 and I was running the office for a commercial service heating & AC company. On the outside everything looked picture perfect, you know those photo filters you can use, well my whole life was portrayed with a very heavy filter. All my life I had always felt the need to be with someone, have someone help “take care of me”. I could never be alone and did not like who I was at all! I could give you this big long sob story about how my upbringing and childhood left me with a ton of “daddy issues” and beat my self-esteem down to a very sad lump of clay but I am not going to. Instead I am going to focus on the deep-seeded desire I had burning inside of me to change. Change what? EVERYTHING FUCKING THING POSSIBLE. Looking back I now understand why I tried so many different careers and side ventures. I was always searching for something to make me feel good, hoping it would somehow fill that big gaping hole.
Getting to my marriage (which I said I'd come back to), I was with someone else at the time I had meant my current ex which was way back in 2001 or 2002 (can't remember). This someone else was an innocent, kind man simply caught in the throes of rebound and despair. I had an affair with my current ex and immediately confessed everything to this gentle man the very next day. We tried to make it work but something just kept pulling me towards my ex. At the time I thought it was love at first sight but looking back now it was lust and this burning desire led me down a path that I was not prepared to take and in his defence, nor was he. We were 8 years apart (me being older), he still lived at home and we immediately dove into a full relationship, moved in together and started a life we were NOT prepared to live. We did not take the time to get to know one another, grow into each other and learn all those deep dark secrets needed to make proper commitment decisions. I had a lot of emotional issues, while he had a lot of anger issues. The two DID NOT mix well, I could get into all of the horrible things that had happened over the years, but I choose not to out of respect for both myself and him. Nonetheless there were multiple separations and the trust, confidence and connection just wasn't where it should have been, this left me always feeling alone and incomplete. Fast forward to this last year or so, even though things did seemingly get better and we were making some progress financially, it always felt like I was unaligned, out of joint so to speak. I needed to find myself, truly dig down and start working on emotional healing from all the trauma and hurt I had experienced throughout my life. Like I said, this is really just a cliff notes version, I may elaborate at a later date.
Moving on to early April of this year……well I can NOT express enough emotion as to how much this time period means to me.
I had already started my healing process to a small degree, and I wholeheartedly believe in the karmic power of the Universe and that there are intricacies and synchronicities beyond our comprehension. Energy is everywhere and in everything. The Universe knew my deepest desires and had placed the most amazing energy source wrapped in flesh on my path. (I know to some that sounds bonkers but I am being discrete and also generalising at the same time so bare with me). This amazing energy helped me see that I am whole all on my own, that I am worthy of the most amazing things this life has to offer. I felt like a true, vibrant woman in all my beauty and sexual glory for the first time, possibly ever. I was able to finally see myself through the eyes of others rather than my own critical self. There was not a physical touch ever, yet I felt wrapped up and secure in what I knew to be true. There is magic in this world and if you are open to believing that, anything can happen. Although I am uncertain if this particular story in my life is over, for now; this energy simply sits quietly in the background and reminds me daily that everything and anything is possible. This energy is my confidant and consistently teaches me strength and patience. This is a connection that far surpasses comprehension.
From this new found strength and belief in myself, I was able to break free from the confines, make the HARD decisions and walk away from EVERYTHING that no longer served as a positive influence in my life. Now, 4 months later I am living in my dream downtown Condo and I have a career that also gives me purpose. I have zero debt and money in the bank! Most importantly, I have a fresh start, with confidence and know that I am enough all on my own. Everything else that I CHOOSE to allow to enter my life will only act as a positive addition that simply compliments myself and my future.
In closing, this is why the blog ... .so I can be raw and an example that the past is the past. To help others that may also find themselves in unsatisfying, stagnant life situations to see that nothing is impossible or out of reach. There are solutions for every problem, you just have to have to find a way to have enough faith in yourself to reach out and find them. May you be blessed with coming across an amazing real life energy of your own.
Until next week, be happy, be open, be kind and most of all, love yourself!
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